Courage...

          I have always been afraid of being at the center of attention. I don't mind so much, talking on a conversation level with others but the idea of speaking in public or performing in front of an audience just scares me, leaving me   dry - mouthed and a stomach full of butterflies. I have always tried to avoid being caught in such a situation and sometimes went out of the way just to excuse myself from being caught by surprise. I don't really know how this started but, I suppose there must have been an incident in the past which may have left me looking foolish or embarrassed.

         This fear reached new heights when I first entered ISKL this year when I signed up for theater as one of my courses at my parents insistence. I was asked to read out a short speech in front of my new found friends as part of a learning project. I began to worry as soon as I was given the assignment even though my speech was only a paragraph long and was three days away. I tried practicing in front of my parents and alone in front of a mirror but I still could not get through a single sentence without feeling faint. Stuttering through my lines, I could barely speak much less remember what I had to say. The night before my speech I could barely sleep and tossed and turned in bed all night long.

         The next morning, I confided in my father and voiced out my fear of the stage. It took a lot from me to say it out loud but I did it anyway because I was hoping that he would let me stay home from school. I was in for a surprise when he simply laughed out loud and said that he was once like me but overcame his discomfort of being in the public eye by imagining every member in the audience were just in their underwear and that he was the only one fully clothed. He said that the trick is to be sincere and to be myself and if I manage to accept the way I am, then others would surely accept me. For those that didn't, it wouldn't matter anyway. I took his advice and even though it was nerve - wrecking for the first few minutes, I suddenly saw my friends and teachers in their underwear and laughed out loud on stage. This laughing feat lasted for a few minutes and some of my friends in the audience laughed with me even though they did not know why. It broke the tension in the room and I felt my body relax and went on with my speech without  problem. At the end of it, I realized that all that was needed, was to be myself regardless of how others see me and to be confident of my own abilities. I left the stage feeling a sense of achievement and awareness that I can overcome my fears, real or imagined if I face up to them and have the support of those who care for me. Nowadays, I feel less nervous going up on stage as I did before. I hope that one day, this fear will completely disappear.

       


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